OET Letter Correction – Mr Brett Collister – Grade B

by englishteacher
When writing your letter, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Corrected writing task

Dr Grantley Cross

Endocrinologist

City Hospital

Suit 32, 55 Main Road

Newtown

24/02/2018

Dear Dr. Cross,

Re: Mr. Brett Collister, D.O.B.:21/12/1973

I am writing to refer  Mr. Collister, a 46-year-old patient who is presenting to me with features suggestive of diabetes mellitus type 2. Your further assessment and management would be greatly appreciated.

After  recurrent attacks of upper respiratory tract infections and intermittent joints pain, on 24/02/18, Mr. Collister  presented to me with a complaint of tiredness,sore eyes and dizziness over the last 3 to 4 weeks. He was overweight with a BMI of 29.7. Otherwise, his condition was normal. Therefore, I requested blood samples for cholesterol and sugar levels.

  • Blood samples were requested (use the passive voice when things related to the patient are the object)

Today, on review, Mr. Collister is still complaining of tiredness and sore eyes; in addition, he has diminished vision. The results showed high random blood sugar, fasting blood sugar and hemoglobin A1c as Well as elevation in lipid profile.

In view of the above, I believe Mr. Collister has diabetes mellitus type 2 and needs further assessment and management. Should have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Doctor

Word Count: 183
Estimated Grade: B

Personalised tips for your next letter

To improve your score, you need to:

  1. Your letter is well organized
  2. Revise to avoid simple mistakes
  3. Use correct forms of the passive voice
  4. Use a better variety of tenses for a better score
  5. Use a better formal style
Grading for the OET writing task is based over 6 marking criteria. As your aim is to achieve a grade A or B, we provide you with feedback for each criterion along with the estimated grade that may be possible during the exam.

Comments on the marking criteria

Read below to understand your achievement for each marking criteria:

Purpose gives a quick and precise sense of what is being asked. Purpose should be developed later in your letter (specific instructions). It should appear early in your letter and be immediately identifiable.
Purpose: your purpose is clear and you have written a clear introduction (B)
Content tells the reader what they need to know so they can continue the care of the patient.
Content: you have included all important information with few weak parts (B)
Conciseness and Clarity is omitting what the reader doesn’t need to know and summarising the relevant information accurately, efficiently and effectively.
Conciseness and clarity: your letter is clear with some irrelevant information mentioned (B)
Genre and Style is choosing the appropriate register and tone that is suitable for the reader.
Genre and style: there is a reasonable formal style (B)
Organisation and Layout is organising your letter in a logical sequence, with appropriate paragraphing and layout.
Organization and layout: your letter is well organized with a good layout (B)
Language is using suitable, accurate vocabulary, grammar, spelling and punctuation to enhance readability. This is not showing off, but rather selecting vocabulary etc. that best fits the situation and reader.
Language: there is an accepted range of grammar and structure with punctuation and structure mistakes(C)

Revision is the key!

Make sure you check, improve, learn and rewrite.

CheckRead through the comments to understand and check your weaknesses.
ImproveRevise any grammatical errors mentioned above and keep improving those skills.
LearnAlways ensure you learn from the mistakes of this and previous writing tasks.
RewriteIt is always good to rewrite the letter with the suggested corrections.

Suggested revision lesson

From time to time there is a good lesson that will help you to improve, if this is the situation for your writing task, then it will be attached to your feedback.

Contact us with any questions

If you have any questions, please contact us.

Should you have any questions, you can message us via your ‘dashboard’. You are also encouraged to ask questions, share your experience and find other like-minded individuals on our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

Case notes and sample answers

Some samples can be found on our website to get you started.

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required to join a selection of Facebook groups for that. However, we are adding some examples to our website (regularly) and you can find them under the following link(s): https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

Additional writing material

To help you improve further we are happy to provide two links to information that will ensure you are more aware of the OET letter writing task.

You will find an OET Writing Guide at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf
As well as OET Letter Writing General Tips at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

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Making it easy for you to send us your writing task, however we do have some requirements to ensure the process is easy for you and us!

Before sending us your writing task for correction, it is important to include the following information in your email. This will help us identify and verify your order.
Please included: Order ID, Task Number, Service Type and Your Name. Example: 78901, Task 2, Standard, Mohamed Youssef
Letters for correction to be sent by e-mail to a specially designated e-mail address: [email protected]
You are welcome to send typed text documents (preferably Word), PDFs and scanned image files. Text documents will allow you to have an easier understanding of the corrections.
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