OET Letter Correction – Mr. Denton – Grade C+

by englishteacher

OET LETTER CORRECTION

Mr. Denton – Grade C+

When writing your letter, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Letter correction

12/04/06

Dr. Haley Moore,

Dermatologist,

15 High Street,

Perth,WA,6000.

Dear Dr. Moore,

Re: Mr. Andrew Denton,DOB: 13/08/89

Thank you for seeing my patient Mr. Denton,who has been demonstrating symptoms suggestive of infected acne for about 1 month.

  • No need for a comma

On 12/04/06, Mr, Denton came to my surgery with acne on face and rash.Although temp and BP were normal,mouth ulcers were also found.Please note, he enjoys fast food.On a more personal note of my patient,his parents were divorced 2 years back.After careful observations,I gave him advice about personal hygiene specially to eat healthy.Skin cleansers were also recommended.

  • The paragraph is not organized. You should mention habits and semi relevant issues in a paragraph, then start your paragraphs after writing this.
  • He was advised about his ….. (use the passive voice when the patient is the object of the sentence)

This morning, Mrs denton reported to me anxiously as his acne has worsened ans has become infected as a result he now has fever.I am wondering whether he is taking action against my advice or not. However,his mother is also very concerned and both of them want specialist opinion.

  • Infected and as a result, he is suffering from fever now (a better sentence structure)

In the light of the above,I therefore am referring Mr Denton into your care for further investigations and treatment of worsened acne.Please feel free to contact me if you require any assistance regarding this patient.

  • I am; therefore, referring (punctuation and word order)

Yours sincerely,

General practitioner.

Personalised tips for your next letter

To improve your score, you need to:

  • You need to check the organization of your letter
  • Read more samples for a better sentence structure
  • Make sure your punctuation is correct and accurate
  • Use a better variety of tenses for a better score
  • Use the passive voice to keep the patient always the most important point
  • Revise to avoid simple mistakes

Any estimated grade score is based on the information you have provided to us, however your score will always vary depending on the task and the circumstances at the time of writing.

ESTIMATED GRADE: C+

Comments on scores

Overall Task Fulfilment – 4

You have shown the ability to manage the task and organise the information in a logical way., but there are some mistakes in information order. Significant grammar errors and inaccuracies have a negative effect on the target reader in places. You are clearly familiar with the style of the letter but simply don’t have sufficient control of the language required.

Appropriateness of Language – 4

You have chosen  vocabulary and tone which are generally appropriate for the target reader and the communicative task . A few inaccuracies do not impede communication. As a whole, the letter is not well organised.

Comprehension of Stimulus – 4

You demonstrate an understanding of the task and input which is generally accurate. Many of the main points are explained clearly and given an appropriate degree of prominence. You should determine relevant, semi relevant and irrelevant information. Select the important ones

Control of Linguistic Features (Grammar and Cohesion) – 4

You have used a range of devices to connect information, there are some errors regarding tenses, articles and the passive voice.

Control of Presentation Features (Spelling, Punctuation and Layout) – 5

You have chosen a good layout, but there are some punctuation errors and word formation mistakes

Sample answers

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required to join a selection  of Facebook groups for that. However we are adding some examples to our website (regularly) and you can find them under the following link(s):

Medicine: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

Additional material

To help you improve further we are happy to provide two links to information that will ensure you are more aware of the OET letter writing task.

You will find an OET Writing Guide at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf

As well as OET Letter Writing General Tips at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

Any questions

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required; please do consider joining our Facebook group for assistance: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

You will find a great selection of sample answer on the official OET website. I do suggest browsing there.

Sending letters

Sending Letters: We welcome all OET letters for correction to be sent by e-mail to a specially designated e-mail address at [email protected].

We do need to stress that you have to include some important information within the email, these are: Order ID, Letter Number, Service Type and Your Name.

Here’s an example:

78901, 2, Standard, Mohamed Youssef.

It is that simple!

Under the new system, you will receive a generic auto-reply within a few minutes of your e-mail being received.

Please feel free to send your letters one by one or all at the same time, the decision is yours.

Failure to send your letter with the above information in the email

will result in your letter not being processed for correction.

Grammar lesson

Active and Passive Verb Formation

In writing a referral letter it is necessary to use a variety of verb forms including both active and passive verbs. Using active verbs is good when you wish to create a personal tone or impart subjective information. However, passive verbs and sentence structures enable the writer to be more objective and focus attention on what is most important in a sentence such as the patient, procedures and treatment rather than on themselves.
Compare

  1. I advised the patient to stop smoking.
  2. The patient was advised to stop smoking (focus on the patient)
  1. I advised her to do bed exercises to prevent further complications such as deep vein thrombosis.
  2. Bed exercises were advised to prevent further complications such as deep vein thrombosis.(focus on the treatment)
  1. You need to take Flucloxacillin capsules twice a day for a duration of 2 weeks.
  2. Flucloxacillin capsules need to be taken twice a day for a duration of 2 weeks.(focus on the medication)

To form the passive, use the be verb (be, is/ are; was/were; has been/have been) + past participle as described in the table below.

ActivePassive
Present simple The patient takes aspirin daily.Present simple Aspirin is taken daily.
Present simple continuous The patient is taking aspirin daily.Present simple continuous Aspirin is being taken daily.
Past simple The patient took aspirin daily. The patient took 3 tablets daily.Past simple Aspirin was taken daily. 3 tablets were taken daily.
Past simple continuous The patient was taking aspirin daily.Past simple continuous Aspirin was being taken daily.
Present perfect The patient has taken aspirin daily for a period of one year. The patient has taken aspirin, noten and normison for a period of one year.Present perfect Aspirin has been taken daily for a period of one year. Aspirin, noten and normison have been taken for a period of one year.
Present perfect continuous The patient has been taking aspirin daily.Present perfect continuous Nil: This form is rarely used in the passive.
Past perfect The patient had taken aspirin daily for a period of one year. The patient had taken aspirin, noten and normison for a period of one year.Past perfect Aspirin had been taken daily for a period of one year. Aspirin, noten and normison had been taken for a period of one year.
Past perfect continuous The patient had been taking aspirin daily.Past perfect continuous Nil: This form is rarely used in the passive.
Future The patient will take aspirin in the eveningFuture Aspirin will be taken in the evening.
Modal form The patient should have taken aspirin in the evening.Modal form Aspirin should have been taken in the evening.

Please review the list of common mistakes below.

IncorrectCorrect
She was performed a colostomy accompanied with a partial bowel resection.A colostomy was performed with a partial bowel resection. A colostomy was performed on the patient by the doctor with a partial bowel resection. The first example is better as it more concise and also it is obvious the roles of patient and doctor so it is unnecessary to state them.
As per the doctor’s order, we were organized daily home visits.As per the doctor’s order, daily home visits were organized. (passive) As per the doctor’s order, we organised daily home visits. (active) Both sentences are grammatically correct but the first example is preferred because it focuses attention on the procedure.
On 9.7.06 he was presented to me for his regular check up.On 9.7.06, he presented to me for his regular check up. (active) Active voice is preferred here as the patient is the subject and most likely presented himself.
On the subsequent visit the treatment options was discussed.On the subsequent visit, the treatment options were discussed. Because the noun is plural the plural verb “were” is required.
She had done colonoscopy 3 years ago.A colonoscopy was done 3 years ago. She had a colonoscopy done 3 years ago. In these sentences it is unimportant who performed the colonoscopy so passive voice is used.
Initially, she came to me on 14/01/2006 for a general check up and was found her blood pressure 160/90.Initially, she came to me on 14/01/2006 for a general check up and her blood pressure was found to be 160/90. After the conjunction and a subject is required.
In addition, her baby will need to monitor his growth and general health conditionIn addition, the baby’s growth and general health condition will need to be monitored Future form of the passive.
Noten 50mg 1/2 tablet daily was prescribed while Zocor and Calcium Caltrate were continued taking.Noten 50mg 1/2 tablet daily was prescribed while Zocor and Calcium Caltrate were continued to be taken
Today at my surgery attended Mr. Attard complaining of pain in his upper left molar.Today, Mr. Attard attended surgery complaining of pain in his upper left molar. Use active form here as you need to focus on your patient, not your surgery

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