OET Letter Correction – Mr Elvin – Grade C

by englishteacher

OET LETTER CORRECTION

Mr Elvin – Grade C

When writing your letter, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Letter correction

Dr Jeremy Barnett

Emergency Registrar

Marouba Hospital

Lakes road

Marouba

01/06/2011

Dear Dr Barnett,

Re: Mr John Elvin

Thank you for seeing Mr Elvin, a 48-year-old man who is known to have bronchial asthma and ischemic heart disease. He came with a sudden chest pain with a possibility of acute myocardial infarction for urgent management.

  • Mr Elvin, a 48 – year – old man, who is known …. (punctuation)

Over the last month, Mr Elvin came to the general practice presenting with occasional mild chest pain which was related to exertion. He smokes one pack per day and drink alcohol 10 standard drinks 5 days per week. On 5/5/11, an ECG was ordered for him which was normal and troponin level was normal too. Exercise stress test showed slight ischemic changes and his cholesterol level was mildly elevated. he has been also having upper respiratory tract infection which worsened his asthma. he reported that he forgot to take his medications because of alcohol consumption.

  • And drinks (correct form of the present simple)
  • He has been – He reported (start your new sentences with a capital letter)

His current medications are Seretide puffer, salbutamol prn, nitrates (imdur), aspirin, anginine and Lipitor. He was encouraged to receive ETOH dependence treatment and he reported that he would consider that.

Today he came with sudden chest pain which was crushing in nature and was not relieved by anginine. He is still having upper respiratory tract infection and deteriorating asthma with extremely audible wheeze. On examination, there were moderate wheeze and mild bilateral crackles over the lung and positive S3. His ECG showed mild ST elevation in the anterior leads. He received 15 litre oxygen via non-rebreather, GTN patch was applied, and was given IV morphine 5 mg and furosemide 40 mg together with Ipatrobium bromide nebulizer 500 ug.

  • He came with … (a comma is required)
  • 15 liters (the plural form should be used in this case)

The most likely diagnosis is anterior acute myocardial infarction, mild acute pulmonary oedema and acute exacerbation of asthma for your kind care and immediate intervention. please don’t hesitate to contact me if you require any information as regards Mr Elvin’s health.

Yours sincerely,

Personalised tips for your next letter

To improve your score, you need to:

  • Do not forget to sign your letter with “doctor”
  • Make sure your capitalization is correct and accurate
  • You need to bind your sentences together by using linking words and punctuation together for a good parallel structure
  • Use a better variety of tenses to enhance your score
  • Your organization should be as follow:
    • An introduction as the one you have given
    • Main medical issue including symptoms, medications, causes, and description
    • Secondary medical issues such as family history and any semi relevant information
    • The patient’s visit and your comments
    • Your management plan
    • Closing paragraph

Any estimated grade score is based on the information you have provided to us, however your score will always vary depending on the task and the circumstances at the time of writing.

ESTIMATED GRADE: C

Comments on scores

Overall Task Fulfilment – 4

You have shown the ability to manage the task and organise the information in a logical way., but there are some mistakes in information order. Significant grammar errors and inaccuracies have a negative effect on the target reader in places. You are clearly familiar with the style of the letter but simply don’t have sufficient control of the language required.

Appropriateness of Language – 4

You have chosen  vocabulary and tone which are generally appropriate for the target reader and the communicative task . A few inaccuracies do not impede communication. As a whole, the letter is not well organised.

Comprehension of Stimulus – 4

You demonstrate an understanding of the task and input which is generally accurate. Many of the main points are explained clearly and given an appropriate degree of prominence. You should determine relevant, semi relevant and irrelevant information. Select the important ones

Control of Linguistic Features (Grammar and Cohesion) – 4

You have used a range of devices to connect information, there are some errors regarding tenses, articles and the passive voice.

Control of Presentation Features (Spelling, Punctuation and Layout) – 4

You have chosen a good layout, but there are some punctuation errors and word formation mistakes

Sample answers

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required to join a selection  of Facebook groups for that. However we are adding some examples to our website (regularly) and you can find them under the following link(s):

Medicine: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

Additional material

To help you improve further we are happy to provide two links to information that will ensure you are more aware of the OET letter writing task.

You will find an OET Writing Guide at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf

As well as OET Letter Writing General Tips at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

Any questions

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required; please do consider joining our Facebook group for assistance: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

You will find a great selection of sample answer on the official OET website. I do suggest browsing there.

Sending letters

Sending Letters: We welcome all OET letters for correction to be sent by e-mail to a specially designated e-mail address at [email protected].

We do need to stress that you have to include some important information within the email, these are: Order ID, Letter Number, Service Type and Your Name.

Here’s an example:

78901, 2, Standard, Mohamed Youssef.

It is that simple!

Under the new system, you will receive a generic auto-reply within a few minutes of your e-mail being received.

Please feel free to send your letters one by one or all at the same time, the decision is yours.

Failure to send your letter with the above information in the email

will result in your letter not being processed for correction.

Grammar lesson

Parallel Structures & Balanced Sentences

The information in the case notes is usually written in note form, and therefore does not follow conventional grammatical rules. However, when this information is organised into complete sentences in the referral letter it is necessary to follow standard conventions of grammar and sentence structure. This worksheet explains how to group information using parallel structures to ensure that the sentences you write are grammatically balanced. This can be achieved by making sure that verbs, adjectives, nouns, prepositions, phrases and clauses are parallel. Parallel structures within a sentence are joined with coordinating conjunctions such as and/or as well as with commas. Here are some examples:

With active verbs

He is now worried about his condition because he is overweight, lacks exercise and smokes regularly

With passive verbs

During hospitalization, IV fluids were commenced and a transdermal patch was used for her pain.

With nouns & noun phrases

He is now worried about his condition because of his increased weight, lack of exercise and his habit of smoking.

He will require information about how and when to take his medication, how to stop smoking and the necessity of doing regular exercise.

With gerunds

In order to handle the above mentioned effects be cautious when driving a car, operating machinery or performing any hazardous activities especially after taking your regular dose.

With prepositions

Threadworms resemble pieces of 1.5 cm cotton thread which is normally detectable at the surface of the feces or around the anus at night.

With verbs in the conclusion

I am worried about Miss Jones and would appreciate your urgent assessment and treatment as you think appropriate.

The important point to remember is that the structures must be balanced.

Common Mistakes

IncorrectCorrect
Sally initially presented alone to my clinic on 27/12/07 with a 3-month-history of constipation and associated using laxatives Explanation: The sentence is not balanced as noun phrasesSally initially presented alone to my clinic on 27/12/07 with a 3-month-history of constipation and associated use of laxatives
He has a family history of stroke and diabetic. Explanation: This sentence is not balanced as stroke is a noun and diabetic is a adjectiveHe has a family history of stroke and diabetes  
Good hygiene should be maintained by taking a morning shower, using individual towels, washing clothes daily and to vacuum regularly. Explanation: the final verb is out of balanceGood hygiene should be maintained by taking a morning shower, using individual towels, washing clothes daily and vacuumming regularly.
I am writing to refer this patient, a 26 year old computer programmer, who is displaying sign and symptoms consistent with subdural haematoma. Explanation: Both nouns should be in plural formI am writing to refer this patient, a 26 year old computer programmer, who is displaying signs and symptoms consistent with subdural haematoma.
His height is 170cm and weighing 99kg. Explanation: unbalanced word form, height is a noun, weight is a gerundHis height is 170cm and weight is 99kg.
On subsequent visits, impressions for full upper and lower dentures were made, bite registered and complete upper and lower dentures were delivered . Explanation: Passive form required for all verbsOn subsequent visits, impressions for full upper and lower dentures were made, bite registration was taken and complete upper and lower dentures were delivered
She diagnosed with hyperthyroidism in 1997, hypertension in 2003 and Glaucoma since 2004. Explanation: Time markers need to be balanced.She was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism in 1997, hypertension in 2003 and Glaucoma in 2004. She has had hyperthyroidism since 1997, hypertension since 2003 and Glaucoma since 2004.
During hospitalization, IV fluids were commenced and used a transdermal patch for her pain. Explanation: Passive form required for all verbsDuring hospitalization, IV fluids were commenced and a transdermal patch was used for her pain.
Further examination revealed dry mouth, dentures were worn out on occlusal surfaces and a heavy calculus deposit was seen on the dentures. Explanation: In example 1, by adding in addition, you can change the structure and keep the sentence balanced. In example 2 the sentence is balanced as the verbs have been replaced with noun phrases.Further examination revealed dry mouth. In addition, her dentures were worn out on occlusal surfaces and a heavy calculus deposit was seen on the dentures. Further examination revealed dry mouth, worn out dentures on occlusal surfaces and heavy calculus deposits on the dentures.
She is feeling loneliness and isolated due to losing her social contacts Explanation: Loneliness is a noun whereas isolated in an adjective so the word forms are not balanced.She is suffering from loneliness and isolation due to losing her social contacts. (nouns) She is feeling lonely and isolated due to losing her social contacts. (adjectives)

Relative Clauses

In the introduction of a referral letter it is common practice to introduce the patient and provide some relevant details relating to their situation or condition. The relative clause allows writers to do this in a clear and concise manner.

Definition: A relative clause is the part of the sentence which provides information about the patient.They can be divided into two types, defining and non-defining. Defining clauses provide details about the noun being referred to. Commas are not required.
Non-defining clauses provide extra information about the noun being referred to but do not define it.Commas are required.

DefiningNon-defining
I am writing to refer this patient who is due to be discharged today. Explanation: The relative clause defines the object of the main clause i.e Which patient? The patient who is being discharged.I am writing to refer this patient,who is due to be discharged today, for ongoing physiotherapy treatment. Explanation: The relative clause provides extra information (patient is due to be discharged) about the object of the main clause but does not define it. It could be removed from the sentence and the meaning would still be clear: I am writing to refer this patient for ongoing physiotherapy treatment.
I am writing to refer Mrs. Patterson, a 36-year-old married woman who is suffering from mild depression. Explanation: The relative clause defines the object of the main clause i.e Who? Mrs. Patterson, a 36-year-old woman. n.b. In this sentence, the first comma allows extra information to be added about Mrs. Patterson.Mrs. Patterson, who is a 36-year-old married woman, is suffering from mild depression. Explanation: The relative clause provides extra information (Mrs. Patterson is a 36 year old woman) about the subject of the main clause but does not define it. It could be removed from the sentence and the meaning would still be clear: Mrs Patterson is suffering from mild depression.

Handy Tip
No name=no comma
In example 1 below, no comma is required as the relative clause is defining the person being referred to. In example 2, the relative clause does not define the person being referred to because it is already known. Therefore, If you include the patient’s name, commas are required.

  1. The doctor who performed the operation is from Iraq.
  2. Doctor Yousif, who is from Iraq, performed the operation.
IncorrectCorrect
Mr. Holmes who lives with his wife in a government flat, is an aged care pensioner. Explanation: Commas required as it is a non-defining relative clause. You can also express this information in a compound sentence.Mr. Holmes, who lives with his wife in a government flat, is an aged care pensioner. Mr. Holmes lives with his wife in a government flat and is an aged care pensioner.
Mr. O’Riley, who lives alone in his own home, and works as a fencing contractor and has only one brother. Explanation: After the second comma a verb is required. i.e Mr O’Riley works..Mr. O’Riley, who lives alone in his own home, works as a fencing contractor and has only one brother.
Mrs. Peterson who recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death. Explanation: No relative pronoun needed here as it is a simple sentence.Mrs. Peterson recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death. Mrs. Peterson, who recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death, has a history of hypertension.
Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth in a traumatic car accident. Explanation: A relative clause is required to define how the teeth were fractured. Alternatively it can be written as two separate sentences.Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth which occurred in a traumatic car accident. Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth. This occurred in a traumatic car accident.
I am writing regarding Mr. Jones, a 35 year-old-male, who was recently diagnosed with tuberculosis. Explanation: Second comma not required as it is a defining relative clause, i.e it defines Mr. JonesI am writing regarding Mr. Jones, a 35 year-old-male who was recently diagnosed with tuberculosis.
I am writing to refer Mrs. Margaret Green, a 66 year old widow with three children, with complaints of chest pain. Explanation: Relative clause required here as two prepositional phrases is confusing.I am writing to refer Mrs. Margaret Green, a 66 year old widow with three children who is complaining of chest pain.
I am writing to refer, Ms. Abbot, a 58 year old widow admitted with pain, dehydration and nausea. Explanation: Incorrect comma placement and relative clause required.I am writing to refer Ms. Abbot, a 58 year old widow who was admitted with pain, dehydration and nausea.
Mr. Fisher was admitted to hospital with the diagnosis of obstructive artery disease and end with quadruple artery bi-pass grafts. Explanation: A relative clause is required to define the treatment.Mr. Fisher was admitted to hospital with the diagnosis of obstructive artery disease which required quadruple artery bi-pass grafts.
I am writing to refer this 14-year-old boy to you who came to me complaining of a sprained ankle. Explanation: The relative pronoun must follow the noun it is referring to.I am writing to refer this 14-year-old boy who came to me complaining of a sprained ankle.
I am writing to refer this patient, a 39 year old widowed woman, who is under our care after being injured in a car accident. Explanation: No comma required as it is a defining relative clause.I am writing to refer this patient, a 39 year old widowed woman who is under our care after being injured in a car accident.
Mr. Roberts who is a 72-year-old retired gentleman was admitted to hospital for acute cerebral infarction on 08/03/10. Explanation: Commas required as it is a non-defining relative clause and provides extra information about Mr. Roberts.Mr. Roberts, who is a 72-year-old retired gentleman, was admitted to hospital for acute cerebral infarction on 08/03/10.
I am writing to explain Mr. Clarke’s current situation, who has been a patient of mine for a long time. Explanation: The relative pronoun must be added directly after the person you are referring to.I am writing to explain Mr. Clarke’s current situation. He has been a patient of mine for a long time. I am writing to refer Mr. Clarke, who has been a patient of mine for a long time. Currently, he is suffering from……..

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