OET Letter Correction – Mr Gregory Taborlin – Grade B

by englishteacher

OET LETTER CORRECTION

Mr Gregory Taborlin – Grade B

When writing your letter, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Letter correction

Dr Sharon Farquad

Endocrinologist

Endocrine Specialists Associate

115 Burke St

Omada

08/04/2018,

Re:Mr Gregory Taborlin, a 69-year- old man.

Thank you for seeing Mr Taborlin,who is being discharged today to your care .I would be grateful if you could manage his condition as you think appropriate.

  • Taborlin who is being … (No need for a comma)

Mr Taborlin is a school teacher whose past medical history reveals a long history of diabetes mellitus and hypertension for which he has been managed accordingly.Please note that he is a smoker.

Mr Taborlin has been on a regular follow up to our facility. Unfortunately, he was non compliant to his diabetic medication which resulted to multiple admissions due to diabetic ketoacidosis. His last admission was on 02/04/2018.

Upon today’s review, the patient is doing well ; however, he is still not taking his treatment as well as not  following a proper diet .Accordingly, counselling regarding a glucose test monitoring , medication administration along with smoking refrain has been arranged. It is worth mentioning that  he has been informed clearly about the complications.

  • Have been arranged (based on more than one action)

In light of the above, the patient requires a stricter glycemic control and a possible need for an insulin pump; therefore ,I am referring him to your care.Your special concern regarding his management is highly appreciated.

Should you need any further information, I would be delighted to hear from you.

Yours sincerely,

Doctor.

Personalised tips for your next letter

To improve your score, you need to:

  • Your letter is well organized and there is a good use of coherence
  • Check your singular and plural verbs
  • Revise to avoid simple mistakes
  • Check your punctuation regarding defining and non defining relative clauses (check the notes below)

Any estimated grade score is based on the information you have provided to us, however your score will always vary depending on the task and the circumstances at the time of writing.

ESTIMATED GRADE: B

Comments on scores

Overall Task Fulfilment – 5

  • The candidate has generally fulfilled the task: the target reader would be informed about the situation and would form a positive impression of the writer’s competence. However, the effectiveness of the letter is slightly limited by the fact that it is
  • too long and contains more detail than required.

Appropriateness of Language – 5

  • The candidate has chosen lexis and register which are appropriateand in line with what the target reader would expect (e.g. ‘based on my provisional diagnosis’, ‘her condition continued to deteriorate; her blood tests revealed…’). Lapses in tone and accuracy (‘unfortunately’, ‘regrettably’, ‘exhausted’) are relatively minor and do not cause strain for the reader.

Comprehension of Stimulus – 5

  • The candidate demonstrates a thorough understanding of the communicative task. The key points are clear and given in appropriately prominent position (e.g. opening and final paragraphs). Selection and transformation of the stimulus material is somewhat less effective: although actual irrelevance
  • has been avoided, following the chronological sequence of the case notes has in this case led the candidate to include more detail than is strictly necessary.

Control of Linguistic Features (Grammar and Cohesion) – 5

  • The candidate has used a range of grammatical structures accurately and in a way which enhances meaning (including past perfect to show sequence of events, passive constructions, and participles). Use of cohesive devices is mostly effective, with related information grouped together and conveyed concisely (e.g. ‘On examination, she looked exhausted, with a temperature of 38.5º, pulse 92 beats per minute with atrial fibrillation, and BP 129/80’). There is some less sophisticated use of cohesive
  • devices (e.g. ‘… and associated with fever’; misplacing of ‘Therefore’), but their impact on fluency is not serious. Control of Presentation Features (Spelling, Punctuation and

Layout – 5

  • The layout and salutations are in line with the target reader’s expectations. Spelling and punctuation show a good level of accuracy throughout, and many sentences are error free. Mistakes (e.g. ‘On examine’, ‘requested’) are slips rather than evidence of any systematic misunderstanding.

Sample answers

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required to join a selection  of Facebook groups for that. However we are adding some examples to our website (regularly) and you can find them under the following link(s):

Medicine: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

Additional material

To help you improve further we are happy to provide two links to information that will ensure you are more aware of the OET letter writing task.

You will find an OET Writing Guide at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf

As well as OET Letter Writing General Tips at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

Any questions

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required; please do consider joining our Facebook group for assistance: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

Remember we are here to assist you and happy to answer any questions by email.

Sending letters

Sending Letters: We welcome all OET letters for correction to be sent by e-mail to a specially designated e-mail address at [email protected].

We do need to stress that you have to include some important information within the email, these are: Order ID, Letter Number, Service Type and Your Name.

Here’s an example:

78901, 2, Standard, Mohamed Youssef.

It is that simple!

Under the new system, you will receive a generic auto-reply within a few minutes of your e-mail being received.

Please feel free to send your letters one by one or all at the same time, the decision is yours.

Failure to send your letter with the above information in the email

will result in your letter not being processed for correction.

Grammar lesson

Relative Clauses

In the introduction of a referral letter it is common practice to introduce the patient and provide some relevant details relating to their situation or condition. The relative clause allows writers to do this in a clear and concise manner.

Definition: A relative clause is the part of the sentence which provides information about the patient.They can be divided into two types, defining and non-defining. Defining clauses provide details about the noun being referred to. Commas are not required.
Non-defining clauses provide extra information about the noun being referred to but do not define it.Commas are required.

DefiningNon-defining
I am writing to refer this patient who is due to be discharged today. Explanation: The relative clause defines the object of the main clause i.e Which patient? The patient who is being discharged.I am writing to refer this patient,who is due to be discharged today, for ongoing physiotherapy treatment. Explanation: The relative clause provides extra information (patient is due to be discharged) about the object of the main clause but does not define it. It could be removed from the sentence and the meaning would still be clear: I am writing to refer this patient for ongoing physiotherapy treatment.
I am writing to refer Mrs. Patterson, a 36-year-old married woman who is suffering from mild depression. Explanation: The relative clause defines the object of the main clause i.e Who? Mrs. Patterson, a 36-year-old woman. n.b. In this sentence, the first comma allows extra information to be added about Mrs. Patterson.Mrs. Patterson, who is a 36-year-old married woman, is suffering from mild depression. Explanation: The relative clause provides extra information (Mrs. Patterson is a 36 year old woman) about the subject of the main clause but does not define it. It could be removed from the sentence and the meaning would still be clear: Mrs Patterson is suffering from mild depression.

Handy Tip
No name=no comma
In example 1 below, no comma is required as the relative clause is defining the person being referred to. In example 2, the relative clause does not define the person being referred to because it is already known. Therefore, If you include the patient’s name, commas are required.

  1. The doctor who performed the operation is from Iraq.
  2. Doctor Yousif, who is from Iraq, performed the operation.
IncorrectCorrect
Mr. Holmes who lives with his wife in a government flat, is an aged care pensioner. Explanation: Commas required as it is a non-defining relative clause. You can also express this information in a compound sentence.Mr. Holmes, who lives with his wife in a government flat, is an aged care pensioner. Mr. Holmes lives with his wife in a government flat and is an aged care pensioner.
Mr. O’Riley, who lives alone in his own home, and works as a fencing contractor and has only one brother. Explanation: After the second comma a verb is required. i.e Mr O’Riley works..Mr. O’Riley, who lives alone in his own home, works as a fencing contractor and has only one brother.
Mrs. Peterson who recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death. Explanation: No relative pronoun needed here as it is a simple sentence.Mrs. Peterson recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death. Mrs. Peterson, who recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death, has a history of hypertension.
Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth in a traumatic car accident. Explanation: A relative clause is required to define how the teeth were fractured. Alternatively it can be written as two separate sentences.Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth which occurred in a traumatic car accident. Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth. This occurred in a traumatic car accident.
I am writing regarding Mr. Jones, a 35 year-old-male, who was recently diagnosed with tuberculosis. Explanation: Second comma not required as it is a defining relative clause, i.e it defines Mr. JonesI am writing regarding Mr. Jones, a 35 year-old-male who was recently diagnosed with tuberculosis.
I am writing to refer Mrs. Margaret Green, a 66 year old widow with three children, with complaints of chest pain. Explanation: Relative clause required here as two prepositional phrases is confusing.I am writing to refer Mrs. Margaret Green, a 66 year old widow with three children who is complaining of chest pain.
I am writing to refer, Ms. Abbot, a 58 year old widow admitted with pain, dehydration and nausea. Explanation: Incorrect comma placement and relative clause required.I am writing to refer Ms. Abbot, a 58 year old widow who was admitted with pain, dehydration and nausea.
Mr. Fisher was admitted to hospital with the diagnosis of obstructive artery disease and end with quadruple artery bi-pass grafts. Explanation: A relative clause is required to define the treatment.Mr. Fisher was admitted to hospital with the diagnosis of obstructive artery disease which required quadruple artery bi-pass grafts.
I am writing to refer this 14-year-old boy to you who came to me complaining of a sprained ankle. Explanation: The relative pronoun must follow the noun it is referring to.I am writing to refer this 14-year-old boy who came to me complaining of a sprained ankle.
I am writing to refer this patient, a 39 year old widowed woman, who is under our care after being injured in a car accident. Explanation: No comma required as it is a defining relative clause.I am writing to refer this patient, a 39 year old widowed woman who is under our care after being injured in a car accident.
Mr. Roberts who is a 72-year-old retired gentleman was admitted to hospital for acute cerebral infarction on 08/03/10. Explanation: Commas required as it is a non-defining relative clause and provides extra information about Mr. Roberts.Mr. Roberts, who is a 72-year-old retired gentleman, was admitted to hospital for acute cerebral infarction on 08/03/10.
I am writing to explain Mr. Clarke’s current situation, who has been a patient of mine for a long time. Explanation: The relative pronoun must be added directly after the person you are referring to.I am writing to explain Mr. Clarke’s current situation. He has been a patient of mine for a long time. I am writing to refer Mr. Clarke, who has been a patient of mine for a long time. Currently, he is suffering from……..

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