OET Letter Correction – Mr Jaccob McCathy – Grade C+

by englishteacher

OET LETTER CORRECTION

Mr Jaccob McCathy + Grade C+

When writing your letter, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Letter correction

Dr Shannon Meccan

Medical director

Knox Skilled Nursing

25 Harrow field Avenue

Knox

26/04/2018,

Dear Dr Meccan

Re: Mr Jaccob McCathy , a 76-year-old man .

Thank you for assessing Mr Mc Cathy who underwent aright below knee amputation.I would be grateful If you could continue his care and management.

  • Who has undergone (use the present perfect when you do not mention a time)
  • if you could (no need to capitalize “if”)

Mr McCathy is a retired construction worker with along history of non compliance with diabetic medication, initially he  presented to us with the complaints of fever ,chills and right foot non weight bearing.Accordingly , the physical examination and blood culture were performed which revealed an infected right foot .Therefore , parenteral antibiotics and a surgical consultation have been requested for  which he decided the operation

  • a long (two words)
  • medication, initially, …. (punctuation)
  • with complaints (no need to use a definite article. Complaints at this point are not definite)

On the  following day , the patient received a postoperative care in form of nursing management ,fortunately , the patient’s condition illustrated a markedly improvement as his wound is well healed along with blood culture which shows negative; however, his mobility has been severely reduced .

Today  the patient is being discharged despite physiotherapist and occupational therapist opinion . Kindly note that an appointment with a vascular surgery has been scheduled after two weeks.

  • Fortunately, the … (you should have started a new sentence for a better structure)
  • Today, the patient …. (a comma is required)

In light of the above , the patient requires a proper nursing care and physiotherapy ; therefore , Im referring him to you.Your special concern regarding his condition is highly appreciated.

Should you need any further queries, I will be delighted to hear from you.

Yours Sincerely,

Doctor.

Personalised tips for your next letter

To improve your score, you need to:

  • Your letter is well organized, but there are some lexical and grammatical mistakes
  • Start a new sentence when you start a new point
  • Make sure your definite and indefinite articles are correct
  • Check your punctuation, especially the comma

Any estimated grade score is based on the information you have provided to us, however your score will always vary depending on the task and the circumstances at the time of writing.

ESTIMATED GRADE: C+

Comments on scores

Overall Task Fulfilment – 4

You have shown the ability to manage the task and organise the information in a logical way., but there are some mistakes in information order. Significant grammar errors and inaccuracies have a negative effect on the target reader in places. You are clearly familiar with the style of the letter but simply don’t have sufficient control of the language required.

Appropriateness of Language – 4

You have chosen  vocabulary and tone which are generally appropriate for the target reader and the communicative task . A few inaccuracies do not impede communication. As a whole, the letter is not well organised.

Comprehension of Stimulus – 4

You demonstrate an understanding of the task and input which is generally accurate. Many of the main points are explained clearly and given an appropriate degree of prominence. You should determine relevant, semi relevant and irrelevant information. Select the important ones

Control of Linguistic Features (Grammar and Cohesion) – 4

You have used a range of devices to connect information, there are some errors regarding tenses, articles and the passive voice.

Control of Presentation Features (Spelling, Punctuation and Layout) – 4

You have chosen a good layout, but there are some punctuation errors and word formation mistakes

Sample answers

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required to join a selection  of Facebook groups for that. However we are adding some examples to our website (regularly) and you can find them under the following link(s):

Medicine: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

Additional material

To help you improve further we are happy to provide two links to information that will ensure you are more aware of the OET letter writing task.

You will find an OET Writing Guide at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf

As well as OET Letter Writing General Tips at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

Any questions

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required; please do consider joining our Facebook group for assistance: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

You will find a great selection of sample answer on the official OET website. I do suggest browsing there.

Sending letters

Sending Letters: We welcome all OET letters for correction to be sent by e-mail to a specially designated e-mail address at [email protected].

We do need to stress that you have to include some important information within the email, these are: Order ID, Letter Number, Service Type and Your Name.

Here’s an example:

78901, 2, Standard, Mohamed Youssef.

It is that simple!

Under the new system, you will receive a generic auto-reply within a few minutes of your e-mail being received.

Please feel free to send your letters one by one or all at the same time, the decision is yours.

Failure to send your letter with the above information in the email

will result in your letter not being processed for correction.

Grammar lesson

Articles Usage with Countable & Uncountable Nouns

Whether an article is required or not depends on the noun that follows. For this purpose nouns can be classified into two types: countable & uncountable nouns. The difference is based on whether the noun can be counted or not. For example, complaint is a countable noun as it can be counted. Therefore, it is possible to say 1 complaint or 2 complaints. Advice on the other hand cannot be counted so it is not possible to say 1 advice or 2 advices , The correct expression is some/any advice or the expression a piece of advice.

Countable nouns

These nouns have a singular form and plural form.

Singular

In the singular form an article is usually used before the noun. Example: The doctor received a complaint from her patient.

  1. Exceptions: The article can be left out if it is replaced with another determiner such as his/her or this /that or any/each/every. E.g. The doctor listened to each complaint. Her complaint was recorded.

Plural

In the plural form the article is usually not used before the noun. Example: The doctor received complaints from her patients.

Remember: Always use articles when referring a particular job such as: doctor/dentist/nurse/pharmacist/physiotherapist/teacher etc etc.

Countable nounsSingular form Note the use of an article before each noun in singular form, either as a/an/thePlural form Note the absence of the indefinite articles a/an before each noun in singular form, but the definite article
abscessThe patient had an abscess on her gum.The patient had 3 abscesses on her gum.
acheThe patient reported a dull ache in her abdomen.The patient suffered from aches and pains.
accountantMr. Hagen is an accountant.Mr. & Mrs. Hagen are both accountants.
appointmentA follow-up appointment was scheduled.The patient did not attend her follow-up appointments.
cavityThe cavity was exposed.The cavities were exposed.
check upThe patient attended for a check-up.Regular check-ups will keep you healthy.
complaintIf you have a complaint, tell your doctor.If you have any complaints, tell your doctor.
conditionYou have a condition known as tuberculosis.There are 3 conditions which can indicate the presence of cancer.
depositA carious deposit was evident on tooth 32.Carious deposits were evident on teeth 32 & 33.
doctorThe patient has not seen a doctor for several years.Three doctors were involved in the treatment of the patient.
episodeThe patient had an episode of heart flutter.The patient reported 3 episodes of heart flutter.
examinationAn examination is necessary to rule out cancer.Blood urine examinations revealed no abnormalities
gumThe gum surrounding tooth 23 was inflamed.The gums were infected.
increaseThere was an increase in the size of the swelling.The patient presented with numerous swellings.
interpreterAn interpreter is required.Interpreters will be required.
investigationAn investigation is required to rule out bowel cancer.Investigations are required to rule out bowel cancer.
limpThe patient walked with a limp.All the patients had limps.
parasiteThe threadworm is a parasiteThreadworms are parasites.
lipThe patient had a swollen lip. (one lip)The patient had swollen lips. (both lips)
smokerShe is a smoker.They are smokers.
operationAn operation is necessary.Two operations are necessary.
painkillerThe patient requested a painkiller.Painkillers are not necessary with this procedure.
physiotherapistAn appointment needs to be a arranged with a physiotherpist.Two physiotherapists work at this rehabiliation centre.
resultThe patient hoped for a positive result.The results were positive.
reviewA review was scheduled after 2 weeks.The nurse received positive reviews from her patients.
sensationThe patient reported a tingling sensation in his fingers.The patient experience tingling sensations in his fingers.
social workerA social worker has been arranged to offer ongoing care.Two social workers have been arranged to offer ongoing care.
teacherSteve is a teacher.Steve and Chris are teachers.
testA blood test was ordered.Blood and urine tests were ordered.
visitPlease organise a visit by a social worker.Regular visits by a social worker is required.

Uncountable nouns

These nouns cannot take a plural form such as: cancer, anaesthesia and information. For these words no article is required. However, the definite article the as well as quantifiers such as some and any can be used before the noun.

Uncountable nounsIndefinite articles cannot be used with uncountable nouns. However definite article “the” as well as quantifiers such as some and any can be used.
accommodationThe patient lives in rental accommodation.
adviceAdvice on diet is requested.
assistanceThe patient will require assistance upon discharge.
attentionThe patient requires urgent attention.
behaviourOn examination, the patient’s behaviour was abnormal.
cancerThe patient has cancer.
cariesDeep caries were present on several teeth.
concentrationThe patient has poor concentration.
damageThe scan confirmed damage to the medial cartilage.
discomfortIf you experience discomfort, please consult your doctor.
informationShould you require further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
painThe patient experienced pain on palapation.
progressThe patient has made good progress.
tissueShe has healthy, soft tissue.
treatmentThe condition did not respond to treatment.
researchFurther research is required.
surgeryThe patient chose not to have surgery.

Common mistakes

IncorrectCorrect
Wound on her left knee has been stitched.
I am writing to refer Marvin, 7 year old boy who was admitted to hospital on 21/11/10.
Mr Brown has been patient of mine for 7 years.
Please note, the patient has had prosthetic heart valve for year.
Examination revealed abscess on her gum.
Apart from bruises to her body, X-rays reveal that she has fracture of the right ankle.
Mr Jones had a heart surgery in 2009.
The patient has a cancer.
She had a healthy soft tissue.
He had lacerated lip and swollen gum.
The patient has pollen allergy.
The patient has tender right elbow joint.
The patient presented for regular check-up on 12/2/10.
A wound on her left hand has been stitched.
I am writing to refer Marvin, a 7 year old boy who was admitted to hospital on 21/11/09.
Mr Brown has been a patient of mine for 7 years.
Please note, the patient has had a prosthetic heart valve for a year
Examination revealed an abscess on her gum.
Apart from bruises to her body, X-rays reveal that she has a fracture of the right ankle.
Mr Jones had heart surgery in 2009.
The patient has cancer.
She had healthy soft tissue.
He had a lacerated lip and swollen gums.
The patient has a pollen allergy
The patient has a tender right elbow joint.
The patient presented for a regular check-up on 12/2/10.

The Comma

The comma is the most frequently used punctuation mark within sentences. Used correctly it allows the writer to separate a group of words or phrase from other parts of a sentence. This is necessary in order to add useful information in a sentence. The information can be added at the beginning, the middle or the end. However, if commas are not used or overused, the meaning can be affected and the flow of information disrupted. By understanding the basic rules presented in this section you should be able to develop a good understanding of how and when to use commas in referral letters.

Rules of Usage

1. The Adverbial Phrase: The adverbial phrase can be used in referral letters to provide information such as a time, place, context, emphasis or mood in the sentence which is to follow and it is commonly separated by a comma

  • Context: On examination, there was slight tenderness in the right fornix.
  • Date: On today’s visit, the patient was pale and sweaty.
  • Emphasis: Please note, the patient is allergic to penicillin.
  • Mood: Unfortunately, the patient’s condition has worsened. Note, mood or comment adverbs, such as unfortunately or regrettably convey the health professionals concern toward the patient’s condition and are therefore effective ways of displaying emphathy.
  • Contrast: The patient’s condition has improved. However, a follow up visit is required.

Sentence Structure

Adverbial PhraseSubjectVerbObject/Compliment
BlankIsuspectthe patient has developed ectopic pregnancy.
Comma preferredUnfortunately,Isuspectthe patient has developed ectopic pregnancy.
BlankAbdominal examinationrevealedslight right iliac fossa tenderness.
Comma preferredOn examination,slight right iliac fossa tendernesswas revealed.blank
BlankClinical examination of hard tissuesrevealeda large mesioincisal fracture.
Comma preferredOn examination,a large mesioincisal fracturewas revealed.blank
Comma preferredRegarding her medical history,shehas been suffering fromasthma for which she uses a ventolin inhaler.
Comma preferredOn review today,therewasno improvement in her condition.
Comma preferredIn terms of his medical history,heisa heavy smoker and a heavy to moderate drinker.
Comma preferredPlease note,the patienthasan appointment with his physiotherapist at 10 o’clock on Monday.
Comma preferredIn addition,therearecomposite and amalgam restorations on several teeth.

Handy Hint: Do not put a comma between a subject and a verb or a verb and an object.

2. Appositives: This is a noun or a noun phrase that is placed after another noun to explain or identify it. It has a very important use in the introductory sentence of referral letters as follows.

  • Mr Smith, an 80 year old widow, was admitted to hospital with complaints of heart palpitations.
  • Thank you for seeing Jordan, a 10 year old boy who presented at my clinic today with a main concern of pain in tooth 54.
  • I am writing to refer Mrs. Bradley, a 42 year old married woman who is suffering from cancer.
  1. Conditional Sentences: These sentences are frequently used in the conclusion of a referral letter and the rules are as follows:
  • Use a comma if the if clause is at the beginning of the sentence.
    • If you could take over her antenatal care,it would be much appreciated.
    • If you have any further questions regarding this patient, please don’t hesitate to call me.
  • Don’t use a comma if the if clause is at the end of the sentence.
    • It would be greatly appreciated if you could take over her antenatal care.
    • Please don’t hesitate to call me if you have any further questions regarding this patient.
  1. Complex sentences:
  • Use a comma if the dependent clause is at the beginning of the sentence.
    • In case of irritation, redness or swelling, please consult your doctor.
    • When the results become available, I will forward them to you.
    • Because of her deteriorating condition, the patient was admitted to hospital.
  • Don’t use a comma if the dependent clause is at the end of the sentence.
    • Please consult your doctor in case of irritation, redness or swelling.
    • I will forward the results to you when they become available.
    • The patient was admitted to hospital because of her deteriorating condition.
  1. Comma Splices: A comma splice is two sentences joined together with a comma, but no conjunction. This is an error as the information must be either joined with a coordinating conjunction such as and/but/or or a new sentence must be started.
  • He does not have any dental experience, he is worried about the pain.(incorrect)
  • He does not have any dental experience and he is worried about the pain.(correct)
  • He does not have any dental experience. Therefore, he is worried about the pain.(correct)
  1. Noun Clauses beginning with that should not be separated by a comma.
  • It is also important to know, that a re-check is organised for the 31.5.2009 at 10:30 in order to remove the suture. (incorrect)
  • It is also important to know that a re-check is organised for the 31.5.2009 at 10:30 in order to remove the suture.(correct)
  1. Use commas to separate three or more words, phrases, or clauses written in a series.The final word does not require a comma and it should be separated by a conjunction such as and or or
  • Mrs. Olsen has a history of hypertension, hypothyroidism, glaucoma for which she is on regular medication. (incorrect)
  • Mrs. Olsen has a history of hypertension, hypothyroidism and glaucoma which is on regular medication. (correct)

Common Errors

IncorrectCorrect
On review today Mr Walker has reduced smoking from 20 to 10 cigarettes per day. On examination today there was a soft fluctuant swelling palpable on the left cheek Regrettably she has problems with breast feeding and caring for the baby. Please note he has a prosthetic heart valve. Comma preferred for adverbial phrases. Refer to rule 1 above.On review today, Mr Walker has reduced smoking from 20 to 10 cigarettes per day. On examination today, there was a soft fluctuant swelling palpable on the left cheek Regrettably, she has problems with breast feeding and caring for the baby. Please note, he has a prosthetic heart valve.
I am writing to refer Mr. Jones a 57 year old man who was admitted to hospital on the 18th of July, diagnosed with myasthenia gravis. Mr Jones, a 57 year old man was admitted to hospital on the 18th of July, diagnosed with myasthenia gravis. Comma required for appositives. Refer to rule 2 above.I am writing to refer Mr. Jones, a 57 year old man who was admitted to hospital on the 18th of July, diagnosed with myasthenia gravis. Mr Jones, a 57 year old man, was admitted to hospital on the 18th of July, diagnosed with myasthenia gravis.
Apply the comma rule for conditional sentences. Refer to rule 3 above.
Apply the comma rule for complex sentences. Refer to rule 4 above.
He has an allergy to nuts, once he was hospitalised for severe anaphylactic reaction. Refer to rule 6 above.He has an allergy to nuts and was once hospitalised for severe anaphylactic reaction.
Please note that, Daniel has an allergy to peanuts. Apply the comma rule for comma splices. Refer to rule 5 above.Please note that Daniel has an allergy to peanuts.
Mr.Farrah, presented at my surgery today complaining of pain radiating from his left ear to his front teeth. Do place a comma between the subject and verb of a sentence.Mr.Farrah presented at my surgery today complaining of pain radiating from his left ear to his front teeth.
Initial examination revealed, complete edentulous upper and lower jaws with healthy soft tissue. I am writing to request, visits for this family. Do place a comma between the verb and object of a sentence.Initial examination revealed complete edentulous upper and lower jaws with healthy soft tissue. I am writing to request visits for this family.

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