OET Letter Correction – Mr Yuxiang Meng – Grade C+

by englishteacher

OET LETTER CORRECTION

Mr Yuxiang Meng – Grade C+

When writing your letter, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Letter correction

Dr Ben Hinds

Psychiatry Registrar

Marouba hospital

Lakes Road

Marouba

07/03/2011

Dear Dr Ben Hinds,

Re: Yuxiang Meng

Thank you for seeing Mr Yuxiang Meng, a 21-year-old overseas student chef from China, who suffers severe bipolar affective disorder and acute mania. He needs urgent psychiatric assessment and management

  • A conjunction is preferable to be used (student and chef)

Upon his first visit, on 02/03/2011, Mr Meng was complaining of upper respiratory tract infection with pharyngitis and low-grade fever. It was obvious that he had psychiatric troubles in the form of elevated mood and delusions about fixing the world’s nuclear waste problem but there were no signs of organic disease. At this point, he was referred immediately to the medical health team and was prescribed diazepam 10 mg QID. A week later, blood tests and CT brain were all normal and he was diagnosed with non-organic mania for which quetiapine 50 mg BD was given initially to be increased gradually and the diazepam dose was decreased to 10 mg BD.

  • Capitalize the market name of medicines

Mr Meng came today with very elevated mood, abnormal speech and had strong political delusions, abnormal behavioral and personality changes. He was escorted by his uncle who believe that he discarded the medications.

  • A very elevated mood (an indefinite article is required before adjectives)
  • Who believes (correct form of the present simple with “he”)

He was offered stat quetiapine 100 mg and diazepam 20 mg but he refused the treatment. The patient was scheduled under mental health act and was accompanied by his uncle and police to the emergency department. Local mental health team was updated with his current condition. It is worth noting that Mr Meng speaks very little English and it will be more convenient if he can be referred to a Chinese speaking psychiatrist for the long term management.

I will appreciate your help as regards Mr Meng’s critical condition and please don’t hesitate to contact me if you require any further information.

Yours sincerely,

Doctor.

Personalised tips for your next letter

To improve your score, you need to:

  • You need to bind more sentences together for a better structure
  • Revise to avoid any simple mistakes
  • Check your tenses and make sure they are correct. Use a better variety of tenses and grammar rules
  • Capitalize the market name of medicines
  • Use correct definite and indefinite articles

Any estimated grade score is based on the information you have provided to us, however your score will always vary depending on the task and the circumstances at the time of writing.

ESTIMATED GRADE: C+

Comments on scores

Overall Task Fulfilment – 4

You have shown the ability to manage the task and organise the information in a logical way., but there are some mistakes in information order. Significant grammar errors and inaccuracies have a negative effect on the target reader in places. You are clearly familiar with the style of the letter but simply don’t have sufficient control of the language required.

Appropriateness of Language – 4

You have chosen  vocabulary and tone which are generally appropriate for the target reader and the communicative task . A few inaccuracies do not impede communication. As a whole, the letter is not well organised.

Comprehension of Stimulus – 4

You demonstrate an understanding of the task and input which is generally accurate. Many of the main points are explained clearly and given an appropriate degree of prominence. You should determine relevant, semi relevant and irrelevant information. Select the important ones

Control of Linguistic Features (Grammar and Cohesion) – 4

You have used a range of devices to connect information, there are some errors regarding tenses, articles and the passive voice.

Control of Presentation Features (Spelling, Punctuation and Layout) – 4

You have chosen a good layout, but there are some punctuation errors and word formation mistakes

Sample answers

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required to join a selection  of Facebook groups for that. However we are adding some examples to our website (regularly) and you can find them under the following link(s):

Medicine: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

Additional material

To help you improve further we are happy to provide two links to information that will ensure you are more aware of the OET letter writing task.

You will find an OET Writing Guide at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf

As well as OET Letter Writing General Tips at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

Any questions

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required; please do consider joining our Facebook group for assistance: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

You will find a great selection of sample answer on the official OET website. I do suggest browsing there.

Sending letters

Sending Letters: We welcome all OET letters for correction to be sent by e-mail to a specially designated e-mail address at [email protected].

We do need to stress that you have to include some important information within the email, these are: Order ID, Letter Number, Service Type and Your Name.

Here’s an example:

78901, 2, Standard, Mohamed Youssef.

It is that simple!

Under the new system, you will receive a generic auto-reply within a few minutes of your e-mail being received.

Please feel free to send your letters one by one or all at the same time, the decision is yours.

Failure to send your letter with the above information in the email

will result in your letter not being processed for correction.

Grammar lesson

Capitalisation

Correct use of capitals is an important area to master when writing referral letters. Study the rules of usage below to ensure you meet the standard conventions.

Rules of Usage

  1. Medications and Diseases
  • Capitals are required for proper nouns. Proper nouns include the brand name of a drug or registered trademark of the manufacturer.
    • Ritalin
    • Voltaren
    • Zocor
  • The chemical constituent should be written in lower case.
    • penicillin
    • amoxicillin
  • Names of diseases should always be lower case.
    • bowel cancer
    • high blood pressure
    • diabetes
    • epilepsy
  • Eponyms: Some medical conditions are named after the person who discovered it. In this case the first word should be capitalised.
    • Parkinson’s disease
    • Bell’s palsy
  • Names of medical equipment do not require capitals.
    • orthopantomogram
    • x-ray
  • Body parts should always be lower case
    • heart
    • adrenal gland
    • knee
  1. Proper Nouns: Proper nouns name something specific as in the examples below. These words must always be capitalised.
  • Job titles
    • The Lactation Consultant, Mater Hospital
    • The Veterinary Eye Specialist, University of Queensland
  • Institutions
    • Mary Jones was admitted to Spirit Hospital.
    • Dr. Bloomfield works at Weller Point Medical Centre.
  • Places including addresses
    • 168 Wickham Terrace, Spring Hill
    • 12 Logan Road, Mt Gravatt
    • 36 Barmore Street, Holland Park
  • Titles when they precede the name of a person
    • The patient was seen by Doctor Smith.
    • Nurse Jones is in charge of the patient’s care.
  1. Common Nouns: Common nouns do not name any specific institution, place, person or profession. These words do not need to be capitalised.
  • The patient was admitted to hospital.
  • The patient does not have a family doctor.
  • Steve is a teacher.
  • Yoshiro is a doctor.
  • Reza is a dentist.
  1. Holidays, months, days of the week all need to be capitalised. However seasons do not.
  • The baby was born on Christmas Day.
  • The patient was admitted to hospital on January 12.
  • Please come and see me on Wednesday.
  • The vaccination will be available in spring.
  1. The pronoun “I” must always be capitalised.
  • It was I who treated the patient.
  1. Capitalise the first word of a salutation and the first word of a complimentary close.
  • Dear Dr. Jameson:
  • Yours sincerely,

Common Errors

IncorrectCorrect
His medical history shows that he is Epileptic. Also, I have given Dycal base on 1.1 and dressed it with Glass Ionomer Cement. The patient was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Mrs. Marsh has a history of Hyperthyroidism, Hypertension and Glaucoma. The patient is allergic to Penicillin. The patient suffered from severe Abdominal pain. Refer to rule 1 above.His medical history shows that he is epileptic. Also, I have given dycal base on 1.1 and dressed it with glass ionomer cement. The patient was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Mrs. Marsh has a history of hyperthyroidism, hypertension and glaucoma. The patient is allergic to penicillin. The patient suffered from severe abdominal pain.
Mr. duane thomson presented at my clinic today with the complaint of a broken posterior tooth. The director of nursing emergency department Mater hospital 84 Monash road The patient was seen by doctor Jones. The above words are all proper nouns. Refer to rule 2 above.Mr. Duane Thomson presented at my clinic today with the complaint of a broken posterior tooth. The Director of Nursing Emergency Department Mater Hospital 84 Monash Road The patient was seen by Doctor Jones.
As per the General Practitioner’s order, we are doing daily home visits and wound dressing and also assisting him with his showers. Please see your Pharmacist for advice. Ms. Gatsby is a University student. The above words are all common nouns. Refer to rule 3 above.As per the general practitioner’s order, we are doing daily home visits and wound dressing and also assisting him with his showers. Please see your pharmacist for advice. Ms. Gatsby is a university student.
The patient first visited my surgery in march, 2008. Mrs. Green will be discharged from hospital on wednesday. Symptoms of hay fever are worse in Spring. Refer to rule 4 above.The patient first visited my surgery in March, 2008. Mrs. Green will be discharged from hospital on Wednesday. Symptoms of hay fever are worse in spring.
The patient requested that i prescribe antibiotics for the virus. Refer to rule 5 above.The patient requested that I prescribe antibiotics for the virus.
dear Dr. Roberts: yours sincerely, Refer to rule 6 above.Dear Dr. Roberts: Yours sincerely,

Example Cohesive Paragraph

Doctors

Initially, I saw Mr. Jones last month when he came for check-up. At this time, his blood pressure showed a mild elevation (165/90)and his weight was above the normal limit (85 kg while his height is 173 cm); however, the cardiovascular examination and the urinalysis were normal. Therefore, I advised him to lose weight, to stop smoking cigarettes and to come for a review visit within one month. A prostate specific antigen test was requested to be done before the next visit.

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