OET Letter Correction – Mrs Howard – Grade C+

by englishteacher

OET LETTER CORRECTION

Mrs Howard – Grade C+

When writing your letter, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Letter correction

22/01/07

Dr. Jose Jiminez,

Surgeon,

Melbourne Private Hospital,

19 Grage Road,

Melbourne 3000.

Dear Dr. Jmitez,

Re: Mrs. Ann Howard, 36-years-old.

Thank you for seeing my patient Mrs Howard, a 36-years-old married woman who has been suffering symptoms suggestive  of early bowel obstruction (diverticulitis? Cancer?) for which she needs your urgent attention.

  • Married woman, who has been (a comma is required)

2 days ago, Mrs Howard presented to my surgery with intense intense lower abdominal pain suddenly, which was relieved by Valium for one day.Moreover, her pain has deteriorated with sitting up, walking and with posture changing. Importantly, pain was not associated with vomiting or weight loss. However, on examination revealed very tense lower part of abdomen on light palpation. Small mass was felt as well. Next day situation got worsened as she passed bright red blood encircling the defecation after 3 days. Please note that she had a possible spontaneous miscarriage 11 days back.

  • No need to repeat the word intense twice

This morning,Mrs Howard reported to me with worsening of pain which aggravated with eating. Her abdomen is still distressed and tensed. Haemoglobin is 9.3 g/dl with mild left shift.Importantly,no bowel sounds are heard on auscultation as well as no defecation or flatus is reported.

  • Reported to me worsening (no need to use with)

In the light of the above,I therefore am referring Mrs. Howard into your care for further investigations and management.Please keep me informed about the outcome and do not hesitate to contact me if you require any assistance regarding this patient,

  • I am; therefore, referring (punctuation – correct word order)

Yours sincerely,

General Practitioner.

Personalised tips for your next letter

To improve your score, you need to:

  • After introduction, you should write a paragraph about semi relevant information such as the family history and medical history of the patient. It is not correct to start with the first visit after introduction
  • You need to use a better variety of tenses for a better score
  • Make sure your word order is correct. Use correct language, and do not translate from your mother tongue to English
  • Make sure your punctuation and relative clauses are correct

Any estimated grade score is based on the information you have provided to us, however your score will always vary depending on the task and the circumstances at the time of writing.

ESTIMATED GRADE: C+

Comments on scores

Overall Task Fulfilment – 4

You have shown the ability to manage the task and organise the information in a logical way., but there are some mistakes in information order. Significant grammar errors and inaccuracies have a negative effect on the target reader in places. You are clearly familiar with the style of the letter but simply don’t have sufficient control of the language required.

Appropriateness of Language – 4

You have chosen  vocabulary and tone which are generally appropriate for the target reader and the communicative task . A few inaccuracies do not impede communication. As a whole, the letter is not well organised.

Comprehension of Stimulus – 4

You demonstrate an understanding of the task and input which is generally accurate. Many of the main points are explained clearly and given an appropriate degree of prominence. You should determine relevant, semi relevant and irrelevant information. Select the important ones

Control of Linguistic Features (Grammar and Cohesion) – 4

You have used a range of devices to connect information, there are some errors regarding tenses, articles and the passive voice.

Control of Presentation Features (Spelling, Punctuation and Layout) – 5

You have chosen a good layout, but there are some punctuation errors and word formation mistakes

Sample answers

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required to join a selection  of Facebook groups for that. However we are adding some examples to our website (regularly) and you can find them under the following link(s):

Medicine: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

Additional material

To help you improve further we are happy to provide two links to information that will ensure you are more aware of the OET letter writing task.

You will find an OET Writing Guide at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf

As well as OET Letter Writing General Tips at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

Any questions

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required; please do consider joining our Facebook group for assistance: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

You will find a great selection of sample answer on the official OET website. I do suggest browsing there.

Sending letters

Sending Letters: We welcome all OET letters for correction to be sent by e-mail to a specially designated e-mail address at [email protected].

We do need to stress that you have to include some important information within the email, these are: Order ID, Letter Number, Service Type and Your Name.

Here’s an example:

78901, 2, Standard, Mohamed Youssef.

It is that simple!

Under the new system, you will receive a generic auto-reply within a few minutes of your e-mail being received.

Please feel free to send your letters one by one or all at the same time, the decision is yours.

Failure to send your letter with the above information in the email

will result in your letter not being processed for correction.

Grammar lesson

Relative Clauses

In the introduction of a referral letter it is common practice to introduce the patient and provide some relevant details relating to their situation or condition. The relative clause allows writers to do this in a clear and concise manner.

Definition: A relative clause is the part of the sentence which provides information about the patient.They can be divided into two types, defining and non-defining. Defining clauses provide details about the noun being referred to. Commas are not required.
Non-defining clauses provide extra information about the noun being referred to but do not define it.Commas are required.

DefiningNon-defining
I am writing to refer this patient who is due to be discharged today. Explanation: The relative clause defines the object of the main clause i.e Which patient? The patient who is being discharged.I am writing to refer this patient,who is due to be discharged today, for ongoing physiotherapy treatment. Explanation: The relative clause provides extra information (patient is due to be discharged) about the object of the main clause but does not define it. It could be removed from the sentence and the meaning would still be clear: I am writing to refer this patient for ongoing physiotherapy treatment.
I am writing to refer Mrs. Patterson, a 36-year-old married woman who is suffering from mild depression. Explanation: The relative clause defines the object of the main clause i.e Who? Mrs. Patterson, a 36-year-old woman. n.b. In this sentence, the first comma allows extra information to be added about Mrs. Patterson.Mrs. Patterson, who is a 36-year-old married woman, is suffering from mild depression. Explanation: The relative clause provides extra information (Mrs. Patterson is a 36 year old woman) about the subject of the main clause but does not define it. It could be removed from the sentence and the meaning would still be clear: Mrs Patterson is suffering from mild depression.

Handy Tip
No name=no comma
In example 1 below, no comma is required as the relative clause is defining the person being referred to. In example 2, the relative clause does not define the person being referred to because it is already known. Therefore, If you include the patient’s name, commas are required.

  1. The doctor who performed the operation is from Iraq.
  2. Doctor Yousif, who is from Iraq, performed the operation.
IncorrectCorrect
Mr. Holmes who lives with his wife in a government flat, is an aged care pensioner. Explanation: Commas required as it is a non-defining relative clause. You can also express this information in a compound sentence.Mr. Holmes, who lives with his wife in a government flat, is an aged care pensioner. Mr. Holmes lives with his wife in a government flat and is an aged care pensioner.
Mr. O’Riley, who lives alone in his own home, and works as a fencing contractor and has only one brother. Explanation: After the second comma a verb is required. i.e Mr O’Riley works..Mr. O’Riley, who lives alone in his own home, works as a fencing contractor and has only one brother.
Mrs. Peterson who recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death. Explanation: No relative pronoun needed here as it is a simple sentence.Mrs. Peterson recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death. Mrs. Peterson, who recently moved to our retirement village following her husband’s death, has a history of hypertension.
Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth in a traumatic car accident. Explanation: A relative clause is required to define how the teeth were fractured. Alternatively it can be written as two separate sentences.Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth which occurred in a traumatic car accident. Mr. Brown presented at my clinic today with a complaint of fractured front teeth. This occurred in a traumatic car accident.
I am writing regarding Mr. Jones, a 35 year-old-male, who was recently diagnosed with tuberculosis. Explanation: Second comma not required as it is a defining relative clause, i.e it defines Mr. JonesI am writing regarding Mr. Jones, a 35 year-old-male who was recently diagnosed with tuberculosis.
I am writing to refer Mrs. Margaret Green, a 66 year old widow with three children, with complaints of chest pain. Explanation: Relative clause required here as two prepositional phrases is confusing.I am writing to refer Mrs. Margaret Green, a 66 year old widow with three children who is complaining of chest pain.
I am writing to refer, Ms. Abbot, a 58 year old widow admitted with pain, dehydration and nausea. Explanation: Incorrect comma placement and relative clause required.I am writing to refer Ms. Abbot, a 58 year old widow who was admitted with pain, dehydration and nausea.
Mr. Fisher was admitted to hospital with the diagnosis of obstructive artery disease and end with quadruple artery bi-pass grafts. Explanation: A relative clause is required to define the treatment.Mr. Fisher was admitted to hospital with the diagnosis of obstructive artery disease which required quadruple artery bi-pass grafts.
I am writing to refer this 14-year-old boy to you who came to me complaining of a sprained ankle. Explanation: The relative pronoun must follow the noun it is referring to.I am writing to refer this 14-year-old boy who came to me complaining of a sprained ankle.
I am writing to refer this patient, a 39 year old widowed woman, who is under our care after being injured in a car accident. Explanation: No comma required as it is a defining relative clause.I am writing to refer this patient, a 39 year old widowed woman who is under our care after being injured in a car accident.
Mr. Roberts who is a 72-year-old retired gentleman was admitted to hospital for acute cerebral infarction on 08/03/10. Explanation: Commas required as it is a non-defining relative clause and provides extra information about Mr. Roberts.Mr. Roberts, who is a 72-year-old retired gentleman, was admitted to hospital for acute cerebral infarction on 08/03/10.
I am writing to explain Mr. Clarke’s current situation, who has been a patient of mine for a long time. Explanation: The relative pronoun must be added directly after the person you are referring to.I am writing to explain Mr. Clarke’s current situation. He has been a patient of mine for a long time. I am writing to refer Mr. Clarke, who has been a patient of mine for a long time. Currently, he is suffering from……..

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