OET Letter Correction – Mrs Isabel Garcia – Grade C+

by englishteacher

OET LETTER CORRECTION

Mrs Isabel Garcia – Grade C+

When writing your letter, you should do it under the same circumstances of the exam day. Therefore, we suggest you write your letter within the required time. Then retype it into the word document and send that to us.

Letter correction

Dr Lorna Bradbury

Stillwater Medical Clinic

Stillwater

Dear Dr Bradbury

RE: Isabel Garcia

DOB: 01-01-1995

29 Green Road

Stillwater

I am writing this letter to update you about the case of Ms Garcia who is being discharged from our hospital after she was treated from meningitis.

  • Update you with (correct preposition)
  • It is better to mention the name of the patient and the age in the introduciton

Ms Garcia came to our emergency department complaining of headache, neck stiffness, photophobia associated with multiple joints pain and stiffness. On examination, there were petechial rashes on the legs and abdomen and bruising of left arm. She was unable to touch her chest by her chin while lying supine.

Some laboratory tests were ordered in addition to lumbar puncture. The results confirmed the diagnosis of bacterial meningitis. Ceftriaxone 2 g was given together with dexamethasone intravenously. However, after lumbar puncture results, we commenced benzylpenicillin 1.8 g IV every four hours which will be for 5 days. Her condition improved significantly. We counselled  her family to ensure that all members are immune. Department of Human services was notified.

  • There aren’t mistakes, but it seems that sentences are not in a good harmony. They look like points, not a paragraph. You should use more linking words such as consequently, as a result, ……………..

In view of the above, I am referring Ms Garcia  to follow up her treatment that may be required in the future. I recommend that all her relatives and friends that were in close contact with her to seek medical attention as soon as they observe any signs of unexplained illness and to give them chemoprophylaxis. Please, contact me for any queries.

Yours sincerely,

Doctor

  • Your letter needs a better organization. You should mention medical information, habits, medical or family history before starting the first paragraph after introduction
  • Check your prepositions
  • Revise to avoid simple mistakes
  • Use better linking words for a better coherence in your paragraphs

Any estimated grade score is based on the information you have provided to us, however your score will always vary depending on the task and the circumstances at the time of writing.

ESTIMATED GRADE: C+

Comments on scores

Overall Task Fulfilment – 4

You have shown the ability to manage the task and organise the information in a logical way., but there are some mistakes in information order. Significant grammar errors and inaccuracies have a negative effect on the target reader in places. You are clearly familiar with the style of the letter but simply don’t have sufficient control of the language required.

Appropriateness of Language – 4

You have chosen  vocabulary and tone which are generally appropriate for the target reader and the communicative task . A few inaccuracies do not impede communication. As a whole, the letter is not well organised.

Comprehension of Stimulus – 4

You demonstrate an understanding of the task and input which is generally accurate. Many of the main points are explained clearly and given an appropriate degree of prominence. You should determine relevant, semi relevant and irrelevant information. Select the important ones

Control of Linguistic Features (Grammar and Cohesion) – 4

You have used a range of devices to connect information, there are some errors regarding tenses, articles and the passive voice.

Control of Presentation Features (Spelling, Punctuation and Layout) – 5

You have chosen a good layout, but there are some punctuation errors and word formation mistakes

Sample answers

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required to join a selection  of Facebook groups for that. However we are adding some examples to our website (regularly) and you can find them under the following link(s):

Medicine: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/oet-letter-writing/medicine/

Additional material

To help you improve further we are happy to provide two links to information that will ensure you are more aware of the OET letter writing task.

You will find an OET Writing Guide at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET_Writing_Guide.pdf

As well as OET Letter Writing General Tips at this link: https://oetspeaking.com/oetwriting/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/OET-Letter-General-Tips.pdf

Any questions

You will find a great selection of sample answers on the internet, however you may be required; please do consider joining our Facebook group for assistance: https://www.facebook.com/groups/oetwritingcorrectionservice/

You will find a great selection of sample answer on the official OET website. I do suggest browsing there.

Sending letters

Sending Letters: We welcome all OET letters for correction to be sent by e-mail to a specially designated e-mail address at [email protected].

We do need to stress that you have to include some important information within the email, these are: Order ID, Letter Number, Service Type and Your Name.

Here’s an example:

78901, 2, Standard, Mohamed Youssef.

It is that simple!

Under the new system, you will receive a generic auto-reply within a few minutes of your e-mail being received.

Please feel free to send your letters one by one or all at the same time, the decision is yours.

Failure to send your letter with the above information in the email

will result in your letter not being processed for correction.

Grammar lesson

Example of cohesive paragraph

Initially, I saw Mr. Jones last month when he came for check-up. At this time, his blood pressure showed a mild elevation (165/90)and his weight was above the normal limit (85 kg while his height is 173 cm); however, the cardiovascular examination and the urinalysis were normal. Therefore, I advised him to lose weight, to stop smoking cigarettes and to come for a review visit within one month. A prostate specific antigen test was requested to be done before the next visit.

Common Mistakes Regarding Physical Description

IncorrectCorrect
Advice was given to reduce her weight. After the verb reduce it is not necessary to follow with a pronoun. So you is not required.  Simply say: I advised him to reduce weight, or, you need to reduce weight.Advice was given to reduce weight. The patient was advised to reduce weight. A reduction of weight was advised.
In addition, she had lost her weight. After the verb lose it is not correct to follow with a pronoun.In addition, she had lost weight. In addition, she has lost a further 11 kg of weight over the past 2 months. In addition, the patient’s weight has significantly reduced from 61 kg to 50 kg over the past 2 months.
He is now obese with a 99kilos weight and a 170cm height. The use of the correct verb & noun form and associated grammar is difficult. Refer opposite for correct usage.  1.     He is now obese with a weight of 99 kg and a height of 170cm. (noun form) 2.     He weighs 99 kg and is 170cm tall. (verb form) 3.     He weighs 99kg and is 170cm in height. (verb form)
1.     Today’s examination revealed multiple missing teeth, various carious lesions and a periodontal pocket of depth 4-9mm. 2.     There are several  periodental pockets with about 4-9 mm in depth. Correct word order is: Depth of 4-9mm Height of 173cm Length of 20 m Weight of 78kg 3.     His height was 173cm.  Weight can change but height can not so don’t use past tense.    1.     Today’s examination revealed multiple missing teeth, various carious lesions and a periodontal pocket depth of 4-9mm. 2.     There are several periodontal pockets which are about 4’9 mm in depth   or 3.     There are several periodontal pockets with a depth of  about 4-9 mm. 4.     His height is 173cm.
1.     He was overweight 85 Kg with respect to his height 173 cm. This sentence is a shortened version similar to the case notes. It is important to write in full sentences.1.     He was overweight at 85 kg with respect to his height  of 173 cm.

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